Paska
by IWearClothesDuh
Summary: Stan's life is shit, everything is going wrong, the worst part is the fact that his best friend dad are having a baby together. His friend that he's in love with. Stan loves Kyle and his dad, but nothing would make him happier than breaking them up. Will Stan wallow in shit so Kyle and his dad can be happy together or will he finally take some happiness for himself?
1. The Surprise

Life is absolute shit. My parents got divorced once and for all, my mother went off and married my uncle Jimbo. Way to keep it in the family, right? Shelly was still here, not that she could help that; the economy was absolute shit these days. I figured that at eighteen I'd already have my own apartment, but nope, I didn't even have a job. The worst possible thing in my life though was the fact that my dad was dating my friend. Not just any friend though, my _super _best friend.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to call him that though, I can barely even look at him without imagining him in bed with my dad and that's the shittiest image ever.

I didn't understand what my dad saw in Kyle, he looked like a twelve year old girl to say the least. He was small, a little less than five feet, and he was super thin with feminine hips. His large eyes and long lashes didn't help either.

I was the complete opposite, I was tall, about five eleven and I was slightly chubby. I had gone vegetarian two years ago but since I wasn't a big fan of fruits and vegetables, I gorged on pastas and snack cakes.

I groaned when Kyle and my dad walked out of his room and started kissing, right in the middle of the hall, right in my line of view. I hated the churning in my stomach every time I saw them kiss, I hated how my heart felt like it was on fire; it was absolute shit.  
"Hey dude." Kyle greeted me after he stopped sucking face with my dad.

"Hi." I said flatly. I had been giving him the cold shoulder for months now but he was either too oblivious to notice or he didn't care.

"Do you want to bowling with Kenny, Clyde, and I?" He asked.

"Are you sure you could lift a bowling ball?" I asked smugly. Yes, I know it was a bit immature but nothing pisses Kyle off more than when people think he's weak because of his size.

"You know what? Forget it; you'd probably just be a downer again anyway." Kyle replies with a glare. I had to restrain myself from reaching out and slugging him. It was mostly _his _fault that I was being such a downer. I know I couldn't put all the blame on him though, thinking back on what happened eight months ago, I wasn't sure that I could put any of the blame on him.

_Eight Months Ago_

Kyle and I were sitting in my room playing Bully, a game that Cartman had recently told us about.

"It's totally kick ass you guys, you get to beat people up and the dialogue is amazing." He claimed.

For once, he was right, the game was really fun. You didn't beat up people just to beat them up though; you beat them up to stop the bullying. I let my eyes drift over to Kyle who seemed to be lost in thought.

"What's wrong?" I asked when I noticed a frown start to cross across his face.

"There's something I need to tell you." He mumbled out, I felt my heart catch in my throat when I saw fear in his eyes. What if he was dying? He got sick a lot, what if he caught some incurable deadly disease?

"What's wrong?" I asked trying to keep the fear out of my voice.

"I uh, well you see, I'm in love with you." He muttered with his face down. I opened my mouth in shock; I couldn't believe what had just happened.

"I'm sorry, but I don't love you, not in that way at least." I said softly.

"Oh, that's fine, I kind of expected that." Kyle said letting out a small laugh, the tears in his eyes betrayed his fake happiness though.

_Present Day_

I lied. When I told Kyle I didn't love him that way, it was the biggest lie I had ever told. I loved him more than I ever loved anyone. I wasn't sure now why I had lied, probably to protect my reputation or something like that, nor did I even care, I just knew that my lie had cost me the person I loved most in this world. The worst part was that I had to see him every day as he shared his love with my own flesh and blood, his love that was meant for _me. _

My thoughts were soon interrupted when Cartman came crashing through the door with a hot dog in one hand a chicken leg in his mouth. I groaned; I hated how he never knocked and how he always stole our food. He claimed that Kenny was too poor and that Kyle just had gross Jewish food.

Cartman wasn't very tall, he was about five eight, but he was massive, he looked like a cross between a bowling ball and a marshmallow.

Speaking of bowling, I regretted making Kyle mad because now I was stuck here with the fat ass.

"Where's your faggy boyfriend?" Cartman asked taking a bite of his hot dog.

"He's not my boyfriend." I muttered.

"You know, if he and your dad get married, he will be your step dad." Cartman said with awe.

"I know it sucks; I mean can you imagine having a step parent younger than you are?" I asked shaking my head.

"My mom hooked up with Butters last week." Cartman said with a shrug.

"Butters is older than you though." I pointed out.

"That doesn't matter, he's still our age." Cartman retorted. Hard though it may be to believe, Cartman was the youngest out of the five of us. It went, Butters, me, Kenny, Kyle, and last and definitely least, Cartman. If it ever bothered Cartman though, he didn't let it show.

I was about to ask Cartman what he wanted to do when my dad came bounding into the room with a look of excitement on his face.

"Did he leave yet? Please tell me he left." He said looking wildly around the room. I felt my heart leap up with excitement, maybe my dad was getting tired of Kyle, maybe they would break up and Kyle would be mine.

"He left." I said trying to keep the happiness out of my voice.

"Okay good, you may want to sit down for this."

I could barely keep myself from squealing, for some reason my dad thought I was happy that he and Kyle were together, he thought it would break my heart if they ever split. If there was one reason to tell me to sit down this would be it.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Well, Kyle wanted to wait until we had everyone together to tell our news, but I just couldn't wait to tell you." My dad replied with a beaming smile. I felt my heart sink a little, it sure didn't sound like they were breaking up; instead, it sounded like they were getting married.

"What news is that?" I asked feeling tears prickle the corners of my eyes.

"Kyle and I are having a baby."

I felt my mouth drop open in shock,  
"When did you decide to adopt a kid?"

"We're not adopting one, Kyle is having one."

At this Cartman started bursting out laughing.

"Hahahaha, I always knew Kyle was a girl."

"It's not April Fools." I said rolling my eyes.

"This isn't a joke, Dr Mephesto offered Kyle five hundred dollars to try his experiment that would allow males to get pregnant; we figured we'd be doing it for the greater good of Science, so we agreed. We found out yesterday that Kyle is about twelve weeks along." My dad said smiling the biggest smile I had ever seen him smile.

I felt my mouth drop open in shock and I couldn't control the tears that had started spilling out of my eyes. My dad thought they were tears of joy; idiot. I was shocked, how could I have not noticed it before? I mean Kyle had been throwing up but I thought he just had the flu or something, I didn't even think about something like, well, you know. I was angry that he didn't tell me, I was supposed to be his super best friend and he didn't even bother to tell me one of the most important things ever. I wondered what his parents would do when they found out, not that it mattered, his parents had kicked him out for being gay before moving to Idaho, they haven't talked to him since then. I then wondered what my mom and Shelly would think, Shelly would probably laugh and my mom would probably be heartbroken. She had thought of Kyle as a second son, and now he was having a kid by her ex-husband.

"Holy shit." I said out loud when I realised that Kyle was having my little brother or sister. The thought of that almost made me smile, I always wanted a little brother, I have always dreamed about it. I wanted a brother to teach how to play football, how to be strong yet romantic; I wanted someone who would look up to me. A little sister would be fun too; I could protect her and beat down any guys who broke her heart.

"I'm done." Cartman said in a sing song voice before hanging up the phone.

"What did you do?" I asked narrowing my eyes at him; you couldn't turn your back for five seconds without Cartman being a sneaky bastard.

"Oh nothing, I just called everyone I know and told them about Kyle." He said with smirk.

"Who all did you call?" I gasped out, I was pissed at Kyle and my dad but I wouldn't spoil their surprise like that.

"Oh no one, just Mr Garrison, Token, Clyde, Butters, Kenny, Craig, Wendy, Bebe…."

I listened as he kept rambling off names of students that we had gone to school with.

"Did you tell his parents?" I asked.

"Are you crazy? His mom's a bitch, there's no way I'm calling her."

I breathed out a sigh of relief, I didn't want there to be more drama than there already was.

"How did you get all these numbers?" I asked curiously.

"Stan, I hack into the school computers all the time to change my grades, all the numbers were listed in there." He said in a bored tone while inspecting his finger nails.

"Why didn't you ever change my grades? I mean I had a D in History, I could have been eligible to go on the trip to Galveston but no, I had to have a C or above."

"Don't be such a baby, if it wasn't too much of a risk changing my grades, I would have changed all of Kahl's grades to F's." Cartman said crossing his arms against his chest.

"How is it that you never got caught?" I asked curiously, I mean, thinking about it, someone was bound to notice right?

"I did get caught; I just blamed it on Tweek and said that he was in love with me."

"I was wondering why he got expelled." I muttered. Tweek had gotten expelled from school before moving away to South America, I kind of missed him to be honest. Instead of saying anything back, Cartman started eating out of the tub of ice cream that he had gotten out of my freezer. I knew it was no use in lecturing him; that fat ass would never learn.

"I hate you Stan!" I heard a voice shriek out; I looked over and saw Kyle standing in the door way with tears streaming down his face.

"What did I do?" I asked in shock.

"You called everyone and told them my secret! I wasn't ready yet!"

"Like you're so high and mighty, you didn't even tell me this secret of yours and I am supposed to be your super best friend." I said with my voice rising.

"Yes I did! I told you the day after I went to Dr Mephesto." He said angrily.

I thought about it for a minute, maybe he had really told me, after he started dating my dad, I tuned him out whenever he mentioned him because it hurt too bad to hear him talk about someone else that way.

"What makes it think that it was me who called everyone?"

"Clyde told me! He let me listen to it on speaker phone." Kyle said with his eyes blazing, I swear if looks could kill, I would be deader than a door nail.

"It was Cartman that called everyone!" I protested. I hated now how Cartman and I could imitate each other's voices.  
"Cartman?" Kyle asked softly.

"Yes, if you were really my friend you would have trusted that I would never do that to you." I said flatly.

"Stan, I-I, I'm sorry." Kyle muttered out.

"Save it, you may live in my house, you may be dating my dad, you may even be having my little brother or sister, but you will never be my friend again." I said darkly. I glared at Kyle as his mouth dropped open and tears started rolling down his cheeks, after what seemed like five minutes, he ran upstairs to my dad's room. I groaned thinking of what ways my dad would comfort him.

Shit.


	2. McDonalds and The Fight

The next day, I walked into McDonald's and I groaned to see that Craig was working at the only open register. Shit.

"Is it true?" He asked when I walked up to him.

"Is what true?" I responded while looking at the menu, trying to decide what I wanted.

"About Kyle and your dad."

"I'll take a number two." I said ignoring his question.

"Are they really having a baby together?" He demanded.

"Since when do you care about the drama that goes on? Usually you're all just fuck this fuck that fuck everything I love boring things." I rambled on.

"I don't care, I'm just curious." Craig replied while flipping me off.

"Yea, it's true." I replied rolling my eyes.

"Wow." Craig muttered. I was relieved when I finally got my food; I checked it to make sure that no one had spat in it before I started to chow down. I groaned inwardly when I saw Kenny, Clyde, and Kyle walk through the door.

"Yo Craig! Ask your boss for a break, we have something to talk about." Clyde shouted. A few minutes later, the four of them started walking to my table.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked wearily.

"Next week there will be a basketball tournament, anyone can join as long as they have a team of five people, Token said that he'd play if he could get out of one of his family's dinner parties." Clyde said.

"I'll play if Token can't." Kyle offered.

"Like hell you will." Clyde said glaring at him. I felt my eyes widen in shock, Clyde had never talked that way to anyone before.

"I am not an invalid; I can still play without getting hurt." Kyle said crossing his arms across his chest.  
"Are you going to play?" I asked Craig while Clyde and Kyle were arguing.

"If I can get off work, if not, I'll see if Kevin can." Craig shrugged. About twenty minutes later, Craig went back to work and Kyle, Clyde, and Kenny got up to leave.

"Wait," I said grabbing Clyde's sleeve, "can I talk to you in private for a bit?"

"Why?" Clyde asked curiously.

"It's kind of important." I said uneasily. Clyde shrugged and allowed me to pull him into the restroom; I thanked my lucky stars that it was empty.

"What's this about?" Clyde asked.

"Are you and Kenny together? I mean you have been hanging out a lot lately."

At this, he started cracking up laughing until there were tears streaming down his face.

"No man, we're just really good friends, Kenny is way too into girls to ever even think about dating me."

"If he wasn't straight, would you want to date him?"

"Why all the sudden interest?" He asked with his eyebrow cocked slightly.

"I was just curious, if you could date any one of us guys who would it be?"

"Uh Stan, are you trying to say you like me that way? If so, I'm sorry but you're not my type." Clyde said chewing on his thumb nail.

"No, don't be an idiot, I'm dating Wendy."

"Again?" Clyde asked rolling his eyes.

"Yes." I replied.

"To answer your question," Clyde said while he started walking out the door, "I'd date…"

I didn't get to hear what he said because a toilet flushed drowning out his voice. My mouth dropped open when I saw Cartman step out of the stall.

"How long have you been there fat ass?" I demanded.

"Long enough to hear you trying to get into Clyde's pants." He snickered.

"I wasn't trying to get into his pants! I don't even like him that way." I protested. Before Cartman could say something back, Clyde came walking back into the bathroom, I quickly hid in a stall before they could see me.

"Did Stan leave?" Kenny asked.

"Yea, I'm pretty sure he did." Clyde replied. Oh man, I thought, they were going to make out, it always happened like this in the movies.

"What did he want?" Kenny asked curiously.

"He wanted to know if you and I had a thing."

They both started cracking up laughing after he had said that.

"That's not all; he wanted to know which one of us guys I like."

"Who did you say?"

I had to keep myself from groaning when Clyde whispered the answer into Kenny's ear; I really wanted to know who he liked. Not that I cared or anything, I just wanted to make sure that all my male friends were paired up so I could have a better chance of dating Kyle when he and my dad broke up.

Speak of the devil, I thought when Kyle came walking into the bathroom.

"I'm sorry I was being so stupid." Kyle told Clyde.

"I'm sorry I was being so controlling, I guess I get overprotective of my friends sometimes." Clyde chuckled while rubbing the back of his head. After that, they hugged, it seemed like it was way longer than any normal friendly hug should be. It then hit me who Clyde liked, shit.

After the trio left, I came out of the stall and Cartman came popping out of the other one.

"Man, listening to conversations in public bathrooms are fun, last week I heard two girls talking about some bitch who was dating the guy they both like." Cartman said talking to himself more than to me. I decided to ignore him and I walked out of McDonalds and started to go home.

Walking home, I began to think about the day that my dad and Kyle got together.

_Six Months Ago_

Ding Dong.

"Go get the door, Turd!" Shelley yelled even though she was closer. I decided not to argue with her though; she could still beat me up.

"Hi." I beamed when I saw that Kyle was at the door, we hadn't really spoken that much since I had rejected him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, hoping that I didn't sound rude.

"Can I see your dad?" He asked.

"My dad? Why?"

"I need help with my Geology homework."

I pointed him upstairs to where my dad's room was and I continued to watch the film that I was watching. When it finished, I began to grow curious when Kyle hadn't come back down yet, Geology homework couldn't take that long right? I then began to wonder why Kyle of all people would need help with their Geology homework; he's a huge Science geek. I decided to go upstairs to check on him, what I saw made me gasp out in shock.

"Dad!" I yelled at the man who was half naked and kissing my best friend.

"Oh hey Stan, close the door on your way out." He said as if nothing was wrong. As I started to walk angrily out the door, Kyle stopped me,

"Stan wait."

"What the hell is going on between you and my dad? That sure as hell didn't look like Geology homework to me." I said curling my fists up into balls.

"We started going out, a few weeks after you rejected me." He muttered looking down.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked angrily.

"I was afraid you'd be mad, I'm sorry."

"I think it is total shit that you didn't tell me, but I accept you two together." I lied.

"Thanks." Kyle beamed before giving me a hug.

_Present Day_

When I reached my house, I groaned to see Kyle and my dad making out on the couch, they were like a young newlywed couple who couldn't seem to get enough of each other.

"Get a room." I muttered I doubt they could hear me though; they seemed to be too into each other right now to notice anything that was going around them.

I sighed and rolled my eyes before heading up to my room, I was surprised to see Karen in there sitting on my bed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked curiously, the only time we ever talked is when I was over at Kenny's.

"Oh Stan, I just couldn't keep it a secret any longer, you're just so cute." She cooed and the next thing I knew, she was straddling my lap and pressing her lips furiously against mine. I was about to push her off when Kenny walked in.

"What the hell are you doing to my sister?" He yelled out with his face turning red.

"She came onto me."

"You didn't have to kiss her back, you're eighteen, she's fifteen, you should know better." Kenny said sternly with his arms crossed over his chest.

"It's not my fault your sister is a slut." I seethed. Instead of saying anything back, Kenny punched me straight in the face.

I glared at Kenny before spitting out a tooth, great, now I'd look like some redneck loser.

"What's going on here?" I look up and see Kyle standing in the door way looking worried.

"What did you do Kenny?" He asks glaring at the boy who had just hit me.

"He deserved it; he called my sister a slut." Kenny huffed.

"Well, didn't she like hook up with all the guys on the baseball team?" Kyle asked uneasily. Before I could stop him, Kenny punched Kyle hard in the face, knocking him to the ground.  
"Dude what the fuck!" I exclaimed angrily.

"He deserved it." Kenny said through gritted teeth.

"He's pregnant!" I protested.

"His face isn't pregnant!" Kenny retorted. I was about to say something back when my dad burst into the room looking livid.

"You get the hell out of my house." He told Kenny angrily before going to comfort Kyle. I had to admit that I felt a bit jealous, I was his son and he was tending to Kyle rather than to me.

"Stan, I'm ordering a pizza, what do you want on yours?" My dad asked as he started walking out the door.

"Spinach." I replied, glad that he still cared about me enough to get me food.

"Are you okay?" Kyle asked walking over to me; his eye was already beginning to bruise where Kenny had hit him.

"Yea, are you?" I asked.

Kyle nodded and threw his arms around me before burying his face in my chest, I tried to resist hugging him back but I finally gave in and started holding him like my life depended on it.

"Did you mean what you said last night, about me not being your friend anymore?" He asked softly.

"Of course not, I was just upset; you know you'll always be my super best friend."

When Kyle looked up at me and smiled, I could feel my heart rip in half, I loved him so much it hurt.

"I think we should hang out more, I mean we haven't really been hanging out that much lately." I added.

"We can invite Clyde and the guys over to go to the movies or something." Kyle suggested.

"Why not just the two of us?" I asked hoping I didn't sound overly flirtatious.

"I don't know dude, what if people get the wrong idea?"

"Trust me; everyone and their dogs know about you and my dad, everyone knows Cartman can't keep a secret to save his life."

"That's true." Kyle muttered before nuzzling closer into my chest. It hurt so bad I felt like I was going to die, I couldn't let it show though, I couldn't let Kyle know how I felt about him, he was so happy and I didn't want to ruin that. Shit.


End file.
